Apr 042012

From the moment I feel pregnant with Baba I was sick, sick every day until I gave birth apart from maybe two weeks. This pregnancy was completely different from the start.

I felt sick but I never was not once. But it didn’t make it any easier. I was stupidly tired, and did feel sick pretty much all the time. I really struggled. But I carried on as much as I could everything was just a little slower really.

This pregnancy did follow the same route as Baba when I started bleeding at seven weeks and had to have an emergency scan. I remember sitting there looking at the dinky tiny heart beat pumping away and I was in love, as much as I was in love with Baba first seeing him at seven weeks. 

From then on I kind of got used to the sickness feeling I didn’t like it but I got used to it. I learnt to cope with it, there were many days when I was saying to Mr L that I would actually prefer the sickness as yes it was horrible but at least the relief of feeling sick was gone after it was done. Where the constant sickness feeling was hard, I got used to having it but it still felt awful all the time. But at least I knew the baby was there and ok. And that was a massive relief after what happened the day before Christmas Eve.

We were hosting Christmas last year and in the preparations of getting ready I feel down the stairs late on the 23rd of December and I feel hard. I was instantly in tears and instantly in a lot of pain. I had hurt my coccyx and I was scared I had hurt the baby. Mr L told me everything would be fine and that the baby was well padded and he really wasn’t worried at all, but I was. I had a frantic call to NHS Direct and they all reassured me that the baby was well padded and that unless I got pains or started bleeding all would be ok.

I had my first midwives appointment a few days after Christmas so I didn’t have long, although it was at the back of my mind that I had caused a problem. But seeing the midwife for the first time confirmed that everything was absolutely fine, although I was still in immense pain. But my mind was soon put at rest when we had our 12 week scan and the little baby was jigging around and was absolutely fine.

The rest of the pregnancy was really filled with sickness, I never recovered from my back, it did get better but it is still not 100% and that lead onto another thing and another thing. February started a downhill spiral into a chest infection, I spent five weeks going back and forth to the doctor with this illness, that I could not get rid off to be repeatedly told I had a virus and I couldn’t shift it as I was pregnant. I was never impressed with this but tried to carry on. I had light relief when we went for our 20 week scan and found out that we were having a little girl.

I was literally overjoyed as far as I was concerned our little family was totally complete. We had our gorgeous little man and now we had a princess on the way as well. We literally could not be happier. We were so happy that we announced it to the world including Baba who was overjoyed, he was bouncing around the day that we told him and punched the air because he was so excited to have a sister. Both sides of the family were overjoyed we were all complete.

Not much time elapsed before I was struggling again, and this time I really was. I was up all the time coughing, I never really slept, I had restless legs all the time and my coughing was getting worse and worse every day, most days I was being violently sick because of it. But still I was told it was just a virus. It wasn’t until I started coughing up blood that a doctor finally took notice of me, and said that I had a raging chest infection. I was finally given antibiotics (completely safe while pregnant) and I slowly started to feel a little better. I was far from 100% but I was getting there.

But in all this time I still had never really felt our little girl moved, I constantly kept on at Mr L about it maybe I should have checked it more. But I had fluttering’s in my stomach just not a definite move, I even wrote about her moving or so I thought but in hindsight I know think it was a fluttering only.

But I had an appointment with the doctor the next week so wasn’t too concerned. This was a disastrous appointment and now I wish I made a fuss at the time. I had a student doctor who was so concerned about my heart rate that he really didn’t check anything else. He did take my heart rate three times in ten minutes or so and then wondered why it was so high. Eventually my usual doctor told him that he thought it was ok. They were pleased that I had no sugar in my urine, as I am a bit prone to that I had it with Baba and was beginning to show signs of it with Rhianna. But both Mr L and I were so happy that the sugar levels had gone, but we weren’t so happy with the student doctor. He had a tiny feel of my stomach and told me that all was fine in the scan two weeks before and it all felt fine. That was it.

The day I was seeing the doctor I was supposed to be in the hospital having a care in pregnancy talk, maybe I should have gone to that talk maybe things would have been different. But instead I wanted to check on my chest infection. So the hospital had booked me an appointment to see my midwife the week later. I spoke to my midwife that afternoon and explained that I hadn’t really felt my baby move and she said that she wasn’t that worried as I never felt Baba move but to go in to her the next week and see her. I was happy with that. As I really didn’t feel Baba I really thought his sister was just the same.

By the end of the week I finally started to feel so much better and we had a great mother’s day where I got totally spoilt by Baba with loads of presents all for baby Rhianna. I got a big bag, to carry her stuff, a new outfit for her, a coat and some booties and I was so happy. Baba and Mr L had been out buying their own things for their baby, and we were all so happy that day. She was still just giving me fluttering’s but I really wasn’t worried, Mr L wasn’t worried and we were so excited about only having a few months left.

The monday after mother’s day I was really conscious of what I ate, I really didn’t want to go back to the midwife and have a high sugar level again, and I ate really well that day. I was making a real effort with my diet and had been for a while. The only thing that was bizarrely different that day was that I made all of our teas that evening and as soon as I started to eat mine I felt rather ill. So didn’t eat a lot.

But everything else was the same, there was no difference in how I felt or how I was. I still felt very pregnant and went to bed like I had been for many nights before that, hand on my small but totally there bump, hugging my baby goodnight. If only I had known what was to happen the next day I would have hugged our little girls bump a little harder that night…

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  4 Responses to “The Pregnancy”

  1. This must be so difficult to write, to re-account these steps. Nothing that you could have done differently. So sad and beautiful that you gave her a little hug. Hugs to you xx

    • Thank you hun it is really hard, but I breathe a little easier everytime I write something although it brings on a lot of tears. xx

  2. Oh lovely lady, that is heartbreaking. Please don’t blame yourself, you weren’t to know.

    • Thank you, I don’t not know. We know the cause and I really don’t I just think it is totally unfair xx

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