Sep 252013

It’s the simple things

The things that you wouldn’t ordinarily give a second glance too

That floor you and make you choke

And hold back the tears

Yesterday Baba got a letter home from school, a letter about his first school photos

” On this visit they will take photos of both individual children and pictures of brothers and sisters together. If you would like to include a pre-school child in a sibling photograph then please arrive at school at 8.30am and report to the school office.”

It was a letter that we should have a use for.

It should be exciting, Baba’s first school picture, a picture with Rhianna Lily, sitting proudly beside her big brother, in his school uniform.

A picture for us to keep.

A picture to send to their Aunties, Uncles, Grandparents and Great Grandparents.

But there will be no picture of the two of them.

There will never be a picture of the two of them.

There will of course be a stunning picture of Baba, one that will be sent to all the family.

But there will be his sister missing.

Instead of celebrating this letter

It was a letter that choked me, a letter that I silently read and silently put in the bin.

That silently, but oh so loudly broke my heart in pieces once more!

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Apr 042012

From the moment I feel pregnant with Baba I was sick, sick every day until I gave birth apart from maybe two weeks. This pregnancy was completely different from the start.

I felt sick but I never was not once. But it didn’t make it any easier. I was stupidly tired, and did feel sick pretty much all the time. I really struggled. But I carried on as much as I could everything was just a little slower really.

This pregnancy did follow the same route as Baba when I started bleeding at seven weeks and had to have an emergency scan. I remember sitting there looking at the dinky tiny heart beat pumping away and I was in love, as much as I was in love with Baba first seeing him at seven weeks.  Continue reading »

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